what ever happened to Families are forever???? Now it's Family Feud / war games????

I am not much of a Blogger as you can see. Im more of a private person and keep things to myself. I'm too afraid of hurting someone's feelings or pissing someone off or Heaven help me if someone gets mad at me. So I have learned to keep my mouth shut. Plus I dont want to bore anyone with all my problems anyways. It seems to me that the Devil is working his evil ways into my family. I feel something should be said even if the truth hurts! I used to sit and think about how awful the world has become and how hateful more and more people are becoming. But now I sit and watch my family being torn apart with hatered within the family unit itself. Families are supposed to be a strong support system for each other. My family isnt the same anymore. The devil has attacked my Father and "other Mom"'s health. They shouldnt be suffering like they are and It rips my heart out because its not fair. My grandfather who is 82 years old has less problems "health wise" then my own parents. My friend's (guy and a girl) who just had a baby 4 months ago, He found out today that he has a blocked artery and has to get a catheter done (don't know what the procedure is called) but they go in through the leg or something)He calls me up and he's so scared that he's almost crying to me on the phone. I try to calm him down and talk to him and tell him he's going to be ok the doctors know what they are doing. This guy is my age!!! He's not supposed to be having these problems !! Cancer took my grandmother and I prayed so long and so hard for her to get better to the point that when she died I almost gave up on God all together. I have tried to take my own life a few times too. The Devil knows our weaknesses and he feeds on them. Im not a very religious person I dont go to church anymore (mainly because my fear of big crowds)( and I don't like to leave my home very much) I dont like to be around a bunch of people.( I wonder why? hmmm) Im not anything near perfect and dont claim to be either. I do still believe in God and believe that we need him to stay close to us because the further God gets from us the closer the devil gets. I know the Devil is doing his dirty deeds within my own home, with my Boyfriend's life (he's having some personal problems that only certain people know about) its not something i want to tell the world about, but that is rippin my heart apart too! I cant help him except for just being there for him, that's all I can do. The devil is working on my children too. But what can I do but pray? I have always Loved my family members unconditionally ..even when they didnt want to talk to me, because That was what I was taught as a child. Families are Forever no matter what! I wish certain family members could settle their differences ( stop being so selfish and grow up) instead of being at war with each other. My whole entire childhood was a tug o war between my Father and my Mother. I Loved them Both sooo much but I had to love them seperately. but I gained two great people in my life as well who I love and cherish just as much as my father and mother. 1. My "other Mom" who has taught me so much about how a family was supposed to be and many other things as well. The family values and praying together as a family. I sure hated it when I was a kid because Mom and Dad were a little long winded and my knees would hurt (which instilled character)but that was nothing compared to what christ did for us. Didn't think i learned that until after I was an adult. And every time my arthritis attacks my knees I think about kneeling on my knees holding hands with my family and praying together in a circle.( there's a song that mentions the circle being unbroken, my famly's circle is broken and has gotten smaller now.) I am thankful for my knees hurting because it also reminds me of the pain christ suffered for me. 2. I also gained my step father who has helped me so many times when I got in a big mess. I dont know what I would have done if he hadnt been there for me. He tries to help so many people, his brother isnt doing so good (bad health too) and he's helped him paying rent and bills , He's had to help his own Daughter with money too, and His friend that he's known since they were kids growing up can't find a job or get social security so he helps him out too. I have gained a huge respect for my step father and how selfless he is and how big his heart is. He would do anything for anyone if its within his power. I have seen him work so many 16 hour days ( because he is helping so many people all at the same time) that he has to work that much just to meet his own needs as well. All he does is work comes home and sleeps for a few hours and goes right back again. Days go by where you dont even see him at all. He has had 2 back surgeries and still has a ruptured disc in his back his knees are really bad but he still does so much for everyone else too. I think I am closer to my cousin Timmy then my two brother's Wendell & Corey. They act as if I dont exist to them. I guess I dont matter now because i talk to other people whom they are feuding with. Im considered the enemy because I Love my family. Yeah sounds stupid to me too! But what really twists my stomach in knots is watching all of them hurt. They arent really angry because behind the anger is the source and it all stems from being hurt. And what hurts me more is seeing everyone " my family" hurting each other. Families are supposed to be Forgiving. "a branch that does not bend , will always break!" I try to live every day like it is my last day. I dont know if tomorrow I will get in a car accident and die, or a tornado hits my house and I die, or If I will get blown up by terrorist, or get the asian bird flu or any reason at all. I dont want to die with my last words to someone i love being "I hate you." I want all of my family to know that i love them and cherish every individual for there own uniqueness. I can't carry grudges because it eats me up inside. And I can't live in peace knowing that if i can't forgive someone for something silly or not so silly that God wont forgive me because in the verse " forgive us our tresspasses "AS" we forgive those who tresspass against us " that little word "AS" means God is only willing to forgive us "AS" much as we are willing to forgive others. So if I have ever hurt anyone in my family I am sorry and ask you for forgivness and if you still hate me I will forgive you. I think I will end on that note.. Enough has been said and im tired and ready to go to bed. Good night Everyone!